My Study Begins

After dinner the very next night I picked up the New Testament for the very first time. As I set out to read the book of Matthew, I was prepared for a book of hate aimed at the Jewish people. What else could it be? "The Christians get their hate for us either from their mother's milk or from this book," I thought. But I didn't find it to be a book of hate. It was a book written by a Jew, for other Jews, about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and the Messiah He sent to His people.

The next night I read the book of Mark. On Wednesday night I read Luke. On Thursday and Friday nights I read John. My notepad was filling up with lots and lots of questions. On Saturday morning I began to read The Acts of the Apostles. All went well until I came to the tenth chapter of this book. There I read about Peter reluctantly going to the house of Cornelius, the Roman Centurion - a Gentile. Peter didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be with this Gentile. But Cornelius explained that he had had a vision and that in that vision he was told that Peter would tell him about God. With that prompting, Peter began to tell Cornelius about the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and about Jesus, the Messiah.

While he was speaking something totally unexpected happened: the Holy Spirit, fell upon Cornelius and on all the Gentiles in his home. Peter and the Jewish believers who were with him were astonished. How could this be? How could the Holy Spirit fall upon these Gentiles? That wasn't supposed to happen! The Holy Spirit of God had been given to the Jews! He hadn't come to the Gentiles!

In the very next chapter of The Acts, I read about how Peter was in Jerusalem at a meeting of the Jerusalem Council. The Jewish believers at that meeting were very upset with Peter because he broke bread with a Gentile and because he shared the Messiah with him and his family. Naturally, Peter explained what had happened and how the Holy Spirit had fallen on the Gentiles in Cornelius' house. At this report, the Council decided that God is not a respecter of persons and that Jesus the Messiah must be for Gentiles as well as for Jews!

My Reaction

As I read these things, I was stunned. How could this be? How was it possible that two thousand years ago the Messiah was only for the Jews and not for the Gentiles - and now He is only for the Gentiles and not for us? What had happened over the years?

As I set out to study the matter, I remember writing down a series of significant questions. Each question led to the next. "Do I really believe in God?", "Do I believe that the Tenach is God's Word to us or is it only a human account of the Jewish people?", "Does the Tenach contain prophecies about a Messiah Who is to come?", "Has anyone ever lived who fulfilled these prophecies?", "Did Jesus fulfill them?" I knew that if I received a "no" answer to any of these questions, my study would be over. But if each question produced a "yes" answer I would be in serious trouble because the last thing in the world that I wanted to believe was that Jesus is our Jewish Messiah.

The next days, weeks and months were filled with study. After a few days, I took a leave of absence from my business so that I could have more time to study. I read the entire New Covenant and a good portion of the Tenach. I went to the Library and obtained books about the Jewish religion and Jewish history. I talked to rabbis. I studied the Messianic prophecies in the Tenach. I didn't know how many prophecies the Tenach contained, but I came up with a list of over 40 of them. And it staggered me to realize that Jesus fulfilled each and every one of them! Of particular significance to me in my study of Scripture was Jeremiah 31:31-34 where God promised to make a New Covenant with the Jewish people!

How could I have been fifty years old and not known of this promise? And then there was Proverbs 30 which spoke of God's Son, and Psalm 22 which revealed Jesus hanging on that tree, and Isaiah 53 which explained that our sins were placed upon Him and that He was punished in our stead, and Daniel 9 which prophesied that Jerusalem would be destroyed along with the Temple by the prince who would come, and this destruction would take place after the Messiah had been cut off! By now I knew when these things took place. They happened in the year 70 CE! I was stunned by this realization. I remember writing: "Either the Messiah came and died before the year 70 or the Bible is merely the story of the Jewish people and not the word of God!" The more I thought about the Scriptures I studied, the more convinced I became that Jesus really is the Jewish Messiah. And that is something I did not want to acknowledge, much less believe!

Messianic Jews?

Months into my study, I decided to attend a meeting of "Messianic Jews", Jews who believe that Jesus is the Messiah. At this meeting I met a woman named Lillian. When she found out that I was not yet a believer in Jesus, she offered me her Bible and asked me to read Exodus 20:2-3 aloud to her. I opened the Bible and read: "I am the LORD your God, who have brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me."

When I finished reading, Lillian asked me to close the Bible and then said: "Tell me Stan, who is your God? Is He the God of our Fathers, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob or are you worshipping false gods like your business, your home, your wife, your children? What do you spend your time thinking about? Whom do you worship? "

I was struck by Lillian's questions and realized that I spent a good part of my time thinking and even worshipping these things. But I almost never thought about God or considered worshipping Him.

The Pressure Within

Lillian's questions did their work and the pressure within me kept building. I knew that in my heart I believed that Jesus is the Messiah, but I was afraid to confess this with my mouth. I was afraid of the consequences such a decision would have on my life, on the life of my family and on my business. I remember arguing with myself. I remember raising the objections of the Crusades and the Inquisition and the Pogroms and the Holocaust. As if to answer each argument I would raise, on the inside of me I would hear: "Yes, but it's true! Jesus is the Messiah!"

The next day July 3, 1975 at 7:15 in the morning, the pressure within finally found it's release. It burst forth from my lips.

Jesus is our Messiah! He is my Messiah! I do receive Him as the Lord of my life!